I have “sacrificed” my career for the kids, my sanity is at my kids’ hands, I don’t totally have my own time, when kids are sleeping/napping i am running around to cook or do housechores, i could only speak to my friends virtually (with some occasional visit and with presence of my kids), I try to do as much as possible to lighten my hubby’s burden.
I could simply say I have done my duty as a mama and wife.
But sorry, I really could not put my feet down to be a good daughter in law. No one in this world is perfect and so am I. This would be my second year missing reunion dinner with the in laws. It is not personal with my parents in law but I don’t want the 2 hours drama usually caused by the others affecting my 365 days. I don’t want my young kids to witness and pick up characters in the drama. As a mother of 3 girls, I want them to learn the importance of people (despite hierarchy/status) respecting them (respect is two ways). (I have actuaĺly gone through more than 10 years of reunion dinner with them even before marriage – nothing has changed and how many more 10 years I have)
I am happy enough that my hubby doesn’t force me to go through the ordeal. I will be staying home with my girls and he will attend alone. We will only visit PIL on CNY day 1. Actually my hubby even apologised that he can’t afford to bring us for a holiday during this CNY to avoid or getaway from the usual yearly routine which we talked about last year.
I take the ‘risk’ of one day my hubby leaving me because i can’t fulfill his duty of being filial. But having said that, there will be no regret as my marriage vows is to him and our offsprings – plus i have done what i ought to do.
I am not asking mummies here to follow what I do; but I certainly want to give HUGS to every mummy that need to go through the CNY eve and days reluctantly. Maybe….maybe…one day things will be different.
Happy Chinese New Year!
Time to rant – This is to jot down the reason I am silent this round:
– In early November, I decided to bring three kids along to YOUR house on a specific weekday ALONE – but there was an outright rejection without any reason (though you offered another day which we are not available). Then I found out it was YOUR precious grandchild birthday celebration in school (sorry I am not blind with all the taggings).
– It is NOT that YOU won’t be celebrating with YOUR precious – but it was three days continuously YOU are with THEM. So sparing us few hours (and not that I always request to come) also impossible? So, you expect me to spare my free time FOR you?
– On the day you rejected my offer to come, in the evening, YOU messaged about an emergency of your hubby entering emergency ward. And in few hours, another message saying that discharged! This is not first, twice or thrice but every few months YOU do that – until I am numb towards anything relate to him and you. Why do you like to play with MY feelings? YOUR message is always so drama that DEATH is so near and guess what – YOUR hubby was happily taking photos with the precious and being posted on facebook on the very next day!
– Each time when our relationship improves; YOUR precious son will start tagging you on fb – showing his jealously. It was too obvious!
– You bug for a visit after that. YOU don’t understand what is ‘annoying’ – for the continuous message and pretentious messages – like forwarding unrelated things to me; plus the pretentious to be ‘kind’ or ‘thoughtful’ to want go get me something – only again to bug me about a visit when I responded. This is truly ‘got prawn behind the stone’! And YOU don’t seem to understand my challenges handling three kids myself with my hubby being away most of the days!
YOU might have your own reason or I might not understand you; but this is what I have in mind! If YOU think I am hurting you, why on the first place YOU are hurting me? Thankfully, I made the action of moving away more than 10 years ago – or I will be stuck in YOUR game forever!
– sorry I am not a perfect person; I have my past and pain too –
Items required: paper (of different colour and thickness), marker pen, ruler, scissor and cellophane tape
There are free templates but I drew it as I don’t have access to our printer!
Activity with number 2 while number 3 looks on!
Basically just tear the paper for the popcorns!
Their night activity for the day!<video>
Sharing my thoughts on excessive screen time:
‘Life’ could have been easier; mealtimes quicker (possible?); I could do much of my personal stuff; I don’t have to bother about their activities, etc….
But that’s (the video says it all) reason for not having them glued on those screens!
Of course, they still do get their screen time, but with a limit – they (as of now is only Noelle) should know when, where and how long the screen time (especially ipad) .
They are in fact very addictive! Even watching YouTube – Noelle is guilty of such; but breaking the habit is an ‘accomplishment’ – just like yesterday at bedtime she told me proudly ‘mama I didn’t watch YouTube today (only abit tv🤣)!’
P/s: I am talking about my kids; not ‘yours’ – and a reminder to those who like to ‘bait’ our kids with screen times🙄
This is not a rant but mere stating of facts!
(In case of some “sensitive” reporters)
My girls have chicken pox last week.
Once my mum got to know about neem leaves for chicken pox and her neighbour has the tree, she who doesnt know how to drive – straight uber to my house to send us the leaves. Then on the weekend, my hubby drove down to her house to get more neem leaves. Besides neem leaves, she cooked few dishes for us for next few days consumption.
On the other hand, the other side only “care” to find out what’s happening. Seriously, I feel it is more ‘care’ to kaypoh. And in the midst of our daily stress life, one of them even has the cheek to send in bills for my hubby to assist in paying (as in hubby help them with online transaction).
Note that I don’t have a perfect/good relationship with my mum – yet she still can do as much as possible to help. And my hubby even acknowledge (plus feel paiseh at times) how much my mum do for us in moments of help. Compared to….(ok, no good to compare)
I have three girls! Phew…i dont have to deal with mil/dil relationship 😅 (except maybe hearing my girls’ future rants). As much as i want them to be independent when they grow up, I too want to know that I would be by their sides when help is needed!
Sekian terima kasih!
Despite things have been settling quite well, I am at a juncture where life could be ‘lonely and miserable’ – as I slowly losing ‘contact’ with other people -largely because I am so handful lately (even during the nursing hours) – no hands to look for the phone and/or no fingers to type (probably only a thumb to ‘like’ some posts).
Me time (or teatime/ breakfast when the kids are still asleep) has been brief – running in and out handling one after another (toddler and newborn).
Many things running in the mind but I couldn’t ‘type’ them; couldn’t be bothered with it until I forget what’s in my mind – becoming more forgetful too!
I know (and hope🤞🏻) this is just a ‘phase’. And it will soon pass!
I usually ‘talk’ about myself/my kids or share my experience, putting my thoughts on how/what/why I should react. I don’t relate other people’s situation and help ‘them’ make a judgment call or expect how they should react.
My ‘thoughts’ are based on my own experiences. And my thoughts wouldn’t bother how someone feels – since everyone feels differently. Sorry to say – I am not a mind reader. It would be impossible for me to ‘care’ everyone’s feelings – if I do – there will be nothing to share.
‘Ignorance is bliss’, certainly the key phrase I learn thoroughout motherhood!
By posting my thoughts and our daily activities, it would also mean that we are prone to be evaluated. I do receive feedback and comments, in ways which could be annoying or understanding things at surface level. Many times I choose to ignore (not that I am NOT aware of those happenings)! Like it or not, whether we do A or B, people will HAVE something to say! And some might even scrutinise us – worse, without reflecting on themselves!
This is what I have learn throughout this 4 years plus. People who want to understand, will understand. And those who don’t, won’t. So why bother? Just let the latter continue to stand on their own podium to ‘preach’ like they know all, who know “they really do”. Plus if the persons have every intention to provoke for responses (insults are the most difficult to swallow)- the more we/I have to keep calm! This is difficult, of course – especially if it happens “first thing in the morning” and you/I will be thinking “how this person wants to ruin my day”!
Just be calm. The first few minutes to ignoring is difficult. But as the hours (and days) go by, it will be easier!
P/S: But I am certainly happy that some friends will, at times, stand up for me, even if I don’t. Some even messaged me on how ridiculous people are, and wish I could block those people off! 😅😅