I’m not a perfect mum

Finding Jordan Picasso competition – spaghetti 🍝 being her favourite food

One of those competitions she brought home from school; but this requires us to purchase some Jordan products

#throwback pic

– – –

Yesterday was one of my high emotions day as a mum! I cursed, used harsh and rude words, and even whipped Noelle’s butt (I have never whipped her THAT hard for more than a year or two, actually) – but I have wrongly ‘listen and assume’, rather than ‘listen to understand’. 😢😢😢

I am disappointed with myself for I didn’t control my emotions upon her confiding me about the issue. I felt I have betrayed her trust to me, somehow.😔😔😔

Upon picking her up, she told me ahead that when she was buying a school badge (which I told her to do so), the school keeper told her that the badge is RM3 and so she had to take out her RM2 to pay for it (some mathematics confusion here). I thought the badge was 50sen – and hence I gave her RM2.50 yesterday (RM2 being her allowance). And the shopkeeper returned her 50sen (I heard RM1.50) which her friend, W (the one who has been bullying her) took it to buy ruler. I assumed W took RM1.50 to buy ruler. (Actually W took Noelle’s 50sen and came out with her own RM1 for the ruler).

Immediately, I was pissed – from walking back to car, driving and back home! I told hubby to inform W’s mum about W taking Noelle’s money AGAIN immediately (Noelle has persistently pushed W’s request for her money in the last 1-2 months). They heard me calling hubby in the car.

I called Noelle ‘stupid’ (for giving in to W again) – but later I found out, she actually has no choice because W SNATCHED away from her. I was mad that Noelle didn’t stand up for herself despite numerous reminders from us. I questioned her on why she often screams at Nikki when Nikki takes her things and not to W – but later I found out that W has been a real bully that Noelle is afraid of her (actually I should have remembered how this girl actually pushed Noelle into things that Noelle didn’t like – especially on the gotong-royong day). I whipped her butt because I assumed that Noelle was ‘playing’ with her coin again (because Noelle lost the coin last Friday when I gave her to buy badge) – but the coin was about to enter her purse before it was snatched away. I was pissed that she took out the RM2 to pay instead of the 50sen, only to find out that actually the badge cost RM1.50.

I asked her on why she still wants to get close to W despite knowing her friend’s character and attitude. I told her that at times Noelle has been taking back home W’s attitude (I know this is accusation😢). I even threatened her that if she still gets close to this W, she doesn’t have to come home and call me ‘mama’! 😔😔😔😔 I was THAT harsh! (Because this is the same person who has been emotionally bullying Noelle occasionally)

I only found out the FACTS correctly after naptime. In fact, she came home from school without having lunch and went to nap (I asked if she is going to eat or nap immediately – she chose to nap after bath time).

I feel like a failed mum! 😔😔😔I am madder at myself then! In fact, Noelle was so forgiving and went on like usual – playing with her sisters. I did apologise to her yesterday and this morning. And she says she forgives me.

Anyway, we have given this bully enough chances. Noelle has enough enduring it alone. She has stood up for herself sufficiently. We have written to the discipline teacher and headmistress of the school – submitted this morning and headmistress called hubby to acknowledge receive. They will investigate the matter. Let law takes its hand. Apparently, it is not only Noelle who has been ‘bullied’ this way – there has been on going case reported by the class teacher to the discipline teacher last week. W’s mum who supposed to check and come back to us (as promised) – has not return our call! (In fact, her promise that she will make sure W will not repeat her actions on Noelle wasn’t fulfilled).

We don’t need the money back BUT we want W to give Noelle an apology! And of course, do not repeat her actions!

Noelle is just Primary 1 – there’s a long, long school journey ahead. Primary 1-3 is very much about character building – while we hope she carries the good/correct character such as kindness and friendliness, this has been abused by the bully.

>> I definitely feel some kids today are more daring, entitled and attempt to defy their parents. Back in my school days, when I was name called by a school mate, I told my mum and my mum phoned the boy’s mum. From then on, the classmate NEVER EVER name call me anymore.

—–

Chronological of events that I wrote down before hubby drafted a formal letter to school:

We are writing in to inform you about our daughter, Noelle’s money has been snatched away from her classmate W several times.

This actually started since month of January. Initially, Noelle gave in to her friend’s request (who wanted to buy candy). Noelle gave W 50 sen for three days (first day without us knowing until we found out; second and third days because of the statement ‘I don’t want to friend you’)! After the first day, we actually taught Noelle to say ‘no’ to W and walk away. Noelle managed to do so eventually but the incident actually resulted to Noelle feeling moody going to school. After Noelle stopped giving in to W, W asked Noelle to show her purse to W. At one point, W cleverly asked Noelle to exchange Noelle’s gold 50 sen coin with W’s gold 20 sen coin.

Eventually, we have gotten into WhatsApp parent group. We have informed W’s mum about the incident via phone call and phone messaging. W’s mum did checked with her daughter and promised that it won’t happen again.

We thought all would be good. After the Chinese New Year school break, W did occasionally asked Noelle for 50 sen again, which Noelle rejected the request. Although no money was involved this time, we informed W’s mum (8 March) about the incident (hoping that W will be aware that Noelle informs us about her friend’s dwellings). W’s mum initiated a video call. While we tried to initiate the face to face conversation between the two girls, W eventually cried out. Her mum hanged up before calling us to inform her that W admitted that she did ask Noelle for money but she was just joking with Noelle. We told her off that such joke should not be played on anymore.

Occasionally, Noelle still comes home telling that W did ask for money but it was a joke. We brushed it off as Noelle was able to say ‘no’ and unaffected by the ‘jokes’. And W knows that Noelle doesn’t bring money during sports wear days. W usually only asks when she sees Noelle in pinafore.

However, the real taking of money happened again on Monday, 13 May. We actually gave Noelle RM2.50 on this day as we asked Noelle to buy a school badge from the book shop. Noelle gave the lady handling the shop RM2 and returned a change of 50sen. W ‘wanted’ to buy a ruler, took the change of 50sen and topping up with her own money.

We feel that we have done our best to handle the situation on our side. However, the incident repeats. We would be grateful if you could take note of this happening in school. And, we do not know if other students are affected by this too.

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