This week is one of the hardest weeks so far during motherhood years (4y11m)! I am going on an emotional turmoil! How could I be should emotional when it is just my (eldest) girl going to school? Can I just shake it off – I have just one less to care for half a day?😔😔😔😔 No, I couldn’t careless!
I care ALOT about her feelings and how she will face it! And because of that – my emotions is going on a roller coaster ride! When she leaves home feeling sad or saying ‘I want mama’, I feel just very down. 😢When she is away, I am ‘worried’ 😨(and further down if she cried when she left!) The best part is picking her up – to see her happy face (hearing her call mama out when she sees me out of the car) – I feel so relieved! 😊Even happier when both the siblings playing together so hard because they miss one another. 😁I feel sad/touched with her telling me how much she misses mama, Mei Mei and mui mui! 😔 (she even remembered that i told her that she can feel mama by touching her heartbeat)! With going to school, she has become more ‘attached’ to me – she wants my attention and hug. Sometimes she comes to me with teary eyes. This coupled with tiredness, sometimes I do get mad😤 when her demands become so unreasonable, yet I feel guilty 😫 for feeling mad! The worst thing is she misses papa too and papa is busy with work -coming home late night – imagine she woke herself up at 1130pm to eat and sleep with her papa! 😭
Seriously, I am goingggg ‘crazy’ soon but I know I have to hang in there! This is just a phase, a transition. Every phase comes with challenges and when it passes – you will just laugh at it! (Says a friend)
In a happier note, today when she saw me – the first thing she told me was – I played at the playground today and we picked leaves! I reminded her isn’t that similar to what we have done in the past. She even told me that there were 5 of them in class today! And she didn’t snack any of her snacks (but will eat them on our way back – which she did)! I saw her water tumbler and question if she finished it. She said yes and she can actually refill it in school!😮 Then she told me she ate rice, soup and egg for lunch! 😮I also told her what I (without Nikki in the pic – I didn’t tell her we went post office) did – like cooking, cleaning the kitchen and tidying up the bed! We also laughed about how Nikki slept on the floor while Norrah was on the bouncer. I showed her the picture too! I told her I got her more blueberries, dragon fruit and seaweed noodles from market today. I shared with her what me and Mei Mei ate for lunch too! ALL this small talks would not happen if she didn’t go school! So, I will definitely take this positively!
Anyway, I did hint that she needs to wear the uniform to school tomorrow. And she replied ‘ahaaaa’! (Meaning ok) Will see how it goes tomorrow!